Calvin and Hobbes: Voidtrapped
by Golden Keyblade
Summary: When Calvin downloads a new game off Steam, he and his friends are unwittingly thrust into a new world. A world of bizarre and beautiful new landscapes, exiled NPCs, mysterious aliens with apparent speech disorders, God Tiers, dodgeball, time travel, space travel, and more imps than one might reasonably expect or desire. Part of The Omniverse Event.
1. BETA

CURRENT unleashedGenesis [CUG] RIGHT NOW opened a memo on message board Let'5 Do Thi5 Thing

CUG: Alright guy5, I'm back. The plan went off without a hitch.

CUG: I mean…mo5tly.

CUG: There WA5 a bit of interference from a certain 5tab-happy Der5ite, but I'm pretty 5ure that'5 dealt with.

CUG: And hone5tly, that only made thing5 ea5ier.

CUG: Anyway, you guy5 all ready for the thing?

CUG: Oh and by the way, pa5t and future ver5ion5 of our5elve5 are going to be banned from re5ponding to thi5.

CUG: I am 5ick and tired of having to deal with either obnoxiou5 a55hole5 who don't know what'5 going on, or el5e pretentiou5 ba5tard5 who like to rub it in your face that they've already done everything you're talking about.

CUG: If you don't already know what'5 going on, or if it'5 no longer relevant, you have no bu5ine55 on thi5 board right now.

CURRENT ambiguousTerror [CAT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CAT: i &gree man

CAT: those guys &re just the worst

CAT: &nyw&y, im here to tell you th&t everyone else is &ready finished.

CAT: they're on their way to sk&i& right now

CUG: You guy5 didn't even wait for me?!

CUG: I'm not THAT late!

CAT: i guess th&t's wh&t you get for insisting we &ll rush this

CAG: if we listened to our sprites wed h&ve weeks to do &ll this

CUG: I know, but we can't afford it; the Battlefield i5 the weake5t link in our plan.

CUG: We need to get down there and fight before anything goe5 wrong.

CAT: i know m&n

CAT: come on theyre prob&bly w&iting for us

CUG: Alright then! 5ee you in a few minutes!

CUG ceased responding to memo

CAT ceased responding to memo

FUTURE unleashedGenesis [FUG] 2:17 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.

FUG: …guy5?

FUG: Are you there?

FUG: I5 anyone there?


	2. Enter Name

Enter Name

 **A/N: I thought I'd surprise you all by being early for once in my life. Plus it looks like I'll be at work when the sale starts (my job goes from 6:30 A.M. to 3:00 P.M. with an hour or more of driving each way; UGH), so it was either upload early or else miss the deadline.**

 **I decided I'd had enough of missing deadlines.**

* * *

 **A message to Command**

 _The worst-case scenario has indeed come to pass. Rifts are spreading across the universe faster than we imagined. Tell Home Base to dispatch all available agents at once._

 _The Omniverse Event is under way._

* * *

A young boy stood alone in his bedroom. Well, technically speaking he wasn't really alone; his best friend was with him, but he was asleep (and also a tiger) so I'm not sure if he counts or not. Also, the young boy in question wasn't standing; he was sitting at his computer. And technically speaking, he also wasn't...

You know what, let me start over...

* * *

Calvin was seated in his bedroom. He was poised eagerly at his computer, apparently waiting for something to happen. On the bed, Hobbes was taking one of his famous late-afternoon naps; he had entered this state approximately forty-five minutes after his post-lunch nap. He took a lot of naps is what I'm saying.

Decorating the normally blank walls were posters of various video games. Calvin had been very into gaming recently, and had spent most of his allowance in the last few months on games he had downloaded off Steam. He had even taken to chatting with some new friends he had met over the Internet; his parents had been a bit nervous about this at first, but after looking into it decided that they were just happy that Calvin _was_ making "real" friends.

"YES!" screamed Calvin; the sudden sound woke Hobbes with a start. "THE SALE IS GO! PRAISE LORD GABEN, THE STEAM SUMMER SALE IS _GO_!"

"Wait, what?" asked Hobbes blearily.

"It's the Steam Summer Sale!" exclaimed Calvin. "Every summer Steam has a brief period where prices for games drop by ridiculous amounts! I already got clearance from Mom to buy up to thirty dollars worth of games! I had to do actual chores for them and everything."

"How unlike you," remarked Hobbes drily. Then he frowned. "Wait," he said. "Wasn't this the sale that one guy told you about?"

"What guy?" asked Calvin absentmindedly.

"The troll," said Hobbes. "UG or whatever, the guy who just stopped screwing with us one day for whatever reason. Didn't he say in the last conversation that there was some kind of thing you should look out for during this sale?"

"Oh yeah," said Calvin. "He said to look through the... adventure games or something." He considered this for a moment. "Well, I suppose it couldn't hurt," he said. "I mean, the guy's full of crap, but I _do_ enjoy a good adventure game. Remember _The Witness_?"

"I remember you ragequit _The Witness_ ," said Hobbes with a smirk. "I didn't know it was possible to ragequit a puzzle game."

"That game cheated!" exclaimed Calvin. "It's hardly _my_ fault this computer's crappy speakers weren't good enough to solve the sound puzzles! And besides, the Tetris block mazes were garbage anyway! Look, that's not the point."

"You had a _point_?" asked Hobbes, raising an eyebrow.

"The point," said Calvin, "is that it can't hurt to check to see what new games are out."

Calvin quickly logged onto Steam. Instantly he was greeted with ads for the sale. With a small shrug, he scrolled over the "Games" tab and selected "Adventure".

"Not much here," he remarked. "A bunch of indie games, _LEGO Avengers_ , a bunch of other stuff I don't care about, not too much new stuff…"

Suddenly he paused. "…huh," he remarked. "Never seen this game before."

Hobbes sat up. "What is it?" he asked.

"Not sure," said Calvin. "It looks sort of like some kind of _Sims_ knockoff, but it's listed as an adventure game. Apparently it's called _Sburb_."

He examined the description. "Enter a new world," he read. "Have you ever wanted to explore exciting new worlds? Have you ever wondered about the nature of reality? Do you want to experience incredible adventures and gain new powers? _Sburb_ is a multi-player adventure game and building sim designed to expand your reality and draw you into an incredible journey! Created by Skaianet Laboratories. WARNING: Requires a minimum of two players; four-plus players recommended."

He scrolled down to the list of features. "Man, check this out," he said. "Randomly generated storyline? Manipulate 3D environments in real time? Create your own guide? Potentially thousands of hours of content? This game actually looks kind of awesome!" He scrolled down to look at the system specs…or rather, where they SHOULD have been. "That's odd," he said. "Looks like they don't any system specifications. If the game's really that ambitious, you'd think you would need a top-of-the-line computer to run it."

"It's also kind of weird that they don't have any footage," remarked Hobbes. "Plus, all the screenshots look like they're from the loading screen."

"Guess that's a privacy thing," said Calvin. "They don't want to spoil the game for anyone."

"Well, how much is it?" asked Hobbes.

"Let's see," said Calvin. He scrolled up, and had to keep his eyes from popping out of his head. "FREE?!" he exclaimed. "This game is _free_?"

"Maybe it's a bug," suggested Hobbes.

"I don't CARE what it is!" Calvin exclaimed eagerly, already spamming the "Add to Cart" button. "I'm buying this NOW before it goes back up!" He quickly moved to checkout and purchased the game. "And the best part," he added, "is that this doesn't count towards my thirty dollars, so I can still get plenty of other games!"

Twenty minutes later, Calvin had finished making his purchases and completed checkout. The bill came to twenty-nine dollars and forty-three cents; after futilely searching for a game that cost fifty-seven cents, Calvin decided to bite the bullet and make his purchase.

"Man, what a haul!" he exclaimed as the games downloaded. He grabbed the laptop and flopped onto the bed beside Hobbes. " _Undertale_ , _Puzzle Agent 2_ , the new _Binding of Isaac_ DLC, _SuperHot_ …this is a treasure trove!"

"You gonna play that _Sburb_ game?" asked Hobbes.

"Probably," said Calvin, "but they said you need two players. I assume that means two players on different Steam accounts, so we can't just have you log on from the desktop. I'll probably message Susie about it."

Suddenly there was a ping from Calvin's computer, indicating a Steam message.

"Speak of the devil," said Calvin. "Hang on, I'm gonna write back."

"Oh, by all means," chuckled Hobbes. "Spend as much time as you want chatting with your girlfriend."

"She's _NOT_ my girlfriend!" exclaimed Calvin angrily. "We just…managed to find some common ground."

"No, that's fine," said Hobbes, still smiling. "I'll let you get on with it."

Calvin grumbled to himself and began typing.

* * *

 **Now messaging unfulfilledAssertion**

unfulfilledAssertion: So the Steam Summer Sale is under way.

unfulfilledAssertion: Just writing to see if you'd finished singing Lord Gaben's praises yet.

calvinUltima: yeah kinda wrapped up early today

calvinUltima: i figured twelve sacrifices was probably enough

unfulfilledAssertion: Har har, you're hilarious.

calvinUltima: hey weird question

calvinUltima: did you happen to download a game called Sburb?

unfulfilledAssertion: As a matter of fact, yeah, I did!

unfulfilledAssertion: I was thinking about messaging Candace to play it, but she's offline right now.

unfulfilledAssertion: Did you buy it?

calvinUltima: yeah but i haven't played it yet

calvinUltima: want to play?

unfulfilledAssertion: Hmm…

unfulfilledAssertion: Well, I guess I've got a little time to kill.

unfulfilledAssertion: Oh, sure, why not?

calvinUltima: great! i'll boot it up

calvinUltima: one sec

* * *

Calvin sat back. A few months ago, he'd have been absolutely mortified to have Susie's contact information, but things had changed since then. For whatever reason, for the last few months his anger towards her had just been… fading away, he supposed. Maybe it was part of growing up. God, he hoped not; that was starting to sound dangerously like one of his dad's speeches. He supposed showing her some of his inventions had probably helped with the friendship; not acting like a world-class jerk towards her anymore had undoubtedly also played its part.

But none of that mattered right now. Right now, it was game time…quite literally.

He searched through the new icons on his desktop until he found the one labeled "SBURB". He double-clicked the logo: a green spirograph.

At that moment, something strange happened. With no warning, there was a strange shimmering effect that filled the room. It seemed to start as some small point in the middle of Calvin's room, but it almost instantaneously spread out to fill the entire room and beyond. It happened so fast Calvin couldn't be sure if it had really happened. It was gone as fast as it had begun.

Hobbes blinked. "Did you see that?"

"Yeah," said Calvin. "No idea what I saw, though."

At that moment, the program finished loading. A slick-looking menu was displayed, listing two options: "Connect to Client Player" and "Connect to Server Player". Strangely, he couldn't see a button to quit, or to pull up options, or anything else most games would have. He quickly pulled up Steam chat.

* * *

 **Now messaging unfulfilledAssertion [UA]**

CU: okay i'm in

UA: Me too.

CU: not quite sure what these options mean

UA: Looks like the program wants both a client player and a server player.

CU: not all of us are nerds who know what fancy words mean

UA: You know, for someone as technology savvy as you claim to be, you seem to be missing some fairly obvious technological lingo.

CU: hey i don't play a lot of online games okay

UA: What I think it means is that the server player will host the game on their computer. The client player connects to the created server.

UA: Simple as that.

CU: okay well my computer is a piece of junk

CU: probably best for you to host the game

UA: Okay then, I'll be the server player.

CU: sounds good

* * *

Calvin moved the mouse over the "Connect to server player" option and clicked. A spirograph loading screen began to play as the message "Searching for server" flashed over and over again at the bottom of the screen. After about ten seconds, there was a slight _ping_ and the screen loaded to reveal…

…nothing.

Calvin blinked. The computer had simply gone back to the desktop! He checked the toolbar, and the mystery only deepened: the program was still apparently active. A quick check on Windows Task Manager revealed that not only was the game still apparently functioning, it was taking up zero percent of the computer's memory.

"Stupid thing must be broken," muttered Calvin. "Hold on, I'll message Susie."

At that moment a message came in from Susie. He figured she had probably encountered the same issue and pulled up the Steam messaging service.

* * *

 **Now messaging unfulfilledAssertion [UA]**

UA: Um…Calvin?

UA: This is going to sound weird, but…are you sitting on your bed with the laptop right now?

CU: um…yeah

CU: how did you know?

UA: And is Hobbes next to you?

CU: seriously how are you getting this?

UA: Because the game just finished loading

UA: And it's displaying an image of your room right now.

UA: No, not an image: a live video feed.

CU: ?

CU: how is that possible

CU: there are no cameras in here!

UA: And that's not all.

UA: My cursor is moving all around your room right now.

CU: what do you mean

* * *

At that moment, something rather startling happened. With no warning, a large nearby basket containing the pile of Calvin's dirty laundry lifted into the air. It hovered there for a moment, moved a few feet, then collapsed back onto the floor with a loud bang.

* * *

 **Now messaging unfulfilledAssertion [UA]**

UA: I mean that some seriously weird stuff is going on right now.

* * *

 **A/N: I know** ** _The Witness_** **is probably not considered an adventure game. The question you should be asking is: does** ** _Calvin_** **know that?**

 **Anyway, welcome to the premier of _Calvin and Hobbes:_** ** _Voidtrapped_** **! This is my newest entry into The Omniverse Event, and probably the one I've been looking forward to the most. This one has been an odyssey to plan and an even bigger hassle to structure; at least two endgame concepts ended up going down the drain before I found a plot I was satisfied with.**

 **Before I go, it's worth pointing out a couple of things. First, unlike my other stories, I have NO idea how often I'll update this. Usually I have a pretty good idea of how long chapters are going to take me, but this story is something of a wildcard for me, since the planned length has fluctuated wildly throughout different iterations. Second, there are things in this story that are NOT going to make sense off the bat. Much like _Homestuck_ itself, pieces will be filled in slowly. You can tell right away that things are being sped up; next chapter we'll start filling in the gaps and making things less confusing. Expect flashbacks. A few of you (looking at you, Kitty) may already have spotted some rather interesting bits of foreshadowing sprinkled through these first couple chapters. I will say nothing more, but keep your eyes peeled; already there's more going on than meets the eye. **

**I hope you enjoy, and that you leave lots of reviews! Until next time, this is GK logging out!**


	3. Calvin: Message Susie

Calvin: Message Susie

Calvin wasn't sure when he first realized he didn't hate Susie.

The first time they'd realized they had common interests had been some time last year. It had been a Thursday, he remembered that. It had to have been a Thursday because, while he was annoying her on the walk back from the bus to their houses, Susie had complained that Calvin's taunts were going to make her late to watch the new _Steven Universe_ episode. That comment had made Calvin stop dead in his tracks.

"Whoa," he said. "That's impossible."

"Why?" asked Susie.

"Because _I_ watch _Steven Universe_!" exclaimed Calvin. "I'm reasonably certain it's physically impossible for us to agree on a TV show."

"Yeah, right!" exclaimed Susie. "I watch it because it's an emotional show with great character development and a positive, progressive message! Why do _you_ watch it?"

"Uh, because the fight scenes are _awesome_ and I like to speculate about the lore," said Calvin.

They had argued all the way home. At some point the conversation had shifted from an argument about which aspects of the show were the best to a thoughtful discussion of the way different elements of the series interacted. By the time they got home, Calvin was almost regretful to say goodbye. He was so lost in thought about this that he almost didn't notice when Hobbes pounced on him and sent him hurtling backwards across the yard.

Over the next couple school days, Calvin had sought out Susie to continue to discuss the show. Over time they began to branch out into other topics as they realized they had more in common with each other than they might have realized. They quickly realized they both also watched _Adventure Time_ (on the topic of this show their views were surprisingly similar), and from there they turned to fanfics. Susie, it turned out, was an avid writer; she had in fact penned a certain story that Calvin had left a favorable review of just last week. The irony was almost palpable. Soon they would make references to their conversations every time they passed in the hall, and would chat about fanfic ideas on the way home every day.

Looking back, though, Calvin supposed they hadn't _really_ become friends until the day he showed her the time machine.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes stared at the basket of laundry as if it was the most astonishing thing they had ever seen. Which, in a way, it was. True, they had seen plenty of weirder things, but most of them were invented by Calvin; that was the kind of place you naturally expected to find such weirdness. But this was a random game Calvin had downloaded off Steam; there was absolutely no reason it should be doing something like this. Finding a weird fish at the bottom of the ocean was sort of expected; finding a weird fish in the middle of Phoenix, Arizona simply did not click.

Calvin regained his voice first. "…what the hell."

He immediately jumped back onto the Steam messaging service, hoping against hope that Susie had some answers.

* * *

 **Now messaging unfulfilledAssertion [UA]**

UA: Yeah, I basically have no answers right now.

CU: what the hell?!

CU: you're moving stuff around my room right now!

UA: I know, and I can't explain it.

UA: But that seems to be the purpose of the game.

UA: Hold on, I'll send you a screenshot.

* * *

A link popped up in the chat, which Calvin clicked. Sure enough, the link showed himself and Hobbes seated on the bed, as well as the area around the room. In the middle of the screen was a cursor in the shape of what appeared to be some kind of yellow house logo; it was composed of four boxes, one of which was subdivided into a second smaller square, and a fifth box cut away from the roof to form the chimney.

* * *

 **Now messaging unfulfilledAssertion [UA]**

CU: seriously what the hell why is this just on Steam randomly?!

UA: Your guess is as good as mine!

UA: But since we're playing, and since I've yet to find a way to disconnect, I think we should take advantage of this.

UA: I'm going to Google this to find out what the purpose of this game is.

UA: If indeed there is one.

UA: One second.

Calvin sat back. "So what do you think is going on, Hobbes?" he asked.

"I have no idea," admitted Hobbes. "To be totally honest, I think this is probably the weirdest thing we've ever done. And that's really saying something."

"I don't know," said Calvin doubtfully. "That thing with the pineapple was pretty weird."

"Oh yeah," remarked Hobbes. "Do you think that guy _ever_ figured out where we got it?"

"He was pretty drunk," recalled Calvin. "I doubt he remembers where _he_ got it."

At that moment, there was a ping from the computer. Calvin looked, expecting another Steam message from Susie…only to see that another messaging program was flashing an alert. He examined the username and groaned in frustration.

"Oh, fantastic," he muttered. "Just what I need: the troll's back."

He quickly sat up and began typing furiously. This wouldn't take long.

* * *

 **unleashedGenesis [UG] began trolling calvinUltima [CU] at 12:48**

UG: Ah, hello again, Calvin.

UG: I 5ee you have already begun playing the game.

UG: I won't take up too much of your time, becau5e at thi5 point your time i5 5hort.

CU: NOT YOU AGAIN!

CU: i thought i'd finally gotten rid of you for good!

UG: 5adly not.

UG: I have a re5pon5ibility to guide you through thi5 game and help you 5ucceed.

CU: why?!

CU: what are you getting out of this?

UG: That i5 a much more complicated que5tion than you could po55ibly realize yet.

UG: 5uffice it to 5ay that I have a ve5ted intere5t in making 5ure you 5ucceed.

UG: You might even 5ay it would give me…

UG: …clo5ure.

UG: Or whatever clo5ure it'5 po55ible for me to get, given my unique circum5tance5.

CU: what's that supposed to mean?

UG: It doe5n't mean anything.

UG: At lea5t not to you, and not yet.

UG: For now I will not interfere.

UG: Ju5t continue playing the game normally.

UG: For the moment, I am a pa55ive ob5erver.

UG: Believe me, when it come5 time for me to finally get off my a55 and 5tart doing 5omething, you will damn well know it.

UG: I am like one of tho5e character5 from your Earth human anime5

UG: Where I ju5t 5it in the background for mo5t of the 5ea5on until the big bad 5how5 up

UG: And then I ju5t 5tand up and ca5ually punch a planet through dimen5ion5 or 5omething.

CU: okay whatever weirdo

CU: i don't think you fully understand how bizarre this game is right now

UG: Believe me, I under5tand more than you could po55ibly imagine.

 **unleashedGenesis [UG] ceased trolling calvinUltima [CU]**

* * *

Calvin sat back. He had to admit, the reappearance of the troll was a troubling development, especially given the anomalous game he was currently playing. UG had never been particularly aggressive or even all that annoying; it was his persistence in RPing as an alien that really bothered Calvin. I mean, what was he even trying to achieve? It's not like Calvin would like him any _more_ as an alien.

He hadn't told Hobbes about his other sneaking suspicion: that the guy might _not_ be RPing.

At that moment, the Steam messaging service pinged again. Calvin quickly clicked back to it, eager for news from Susie.

* * *

 **Now messaging unfulfilledAssertion [UA]**

CU: well?

UA: Not too much luck.

UA: The game's only been out for a few hours, and it hasn't gained widespread traction yet.

UA: There are three variants of a "Sburb Wiki", but none of them have much content yet.

CU: damn

CU: any luck figuring out what the objective is?

UA: I found some forum threads where people were discussing the game.

UA: It's mostly just people freaking out, but a few players have gotten farther along.

UA: It seems the goal involves the server player building additions to the client player's house, for goals which are not yet entirely certain.

UA: Apparently there's some machinery that can be deployed "for free", whatever that means.

CU: oh god please tell me it's not some Candy Crush BS where you have to buy stuff

CU: those games are just

CU: THE WORST

UA: Wholehearted agreement from me.

CU: btw, enjoying that new sylladex thing i gave you?

UA: Well…I have decidedly mixed feelings about it.

CU: wow

CU: cold

UA: I mean, I really do appreciate it!

UA: And it's certainly an impressive invention.

UA: It's just…

UA: Did you have to get me one with such an inconvenient retrieval mechanism?

CU: of course i did!

CU: that's part of the fun!

UA: *exaggerated sigh*

UA: Well, I'll keep searching. You try to figure out what those machines do.

CU: got it

* * *

Calvin sat back in his chair. At this point the game appeared to be out of his hands; it was up to Susie to figure out what to do at this point. All he could do was wait to see what the hell this game was.

The Sylladex was a new invention that had debuted a couple months back. It was essentially a series of cards which could be used to store three-dimensional objects within a pocket dimension, accessed via cards. He was a big fan of the card system for some inexplicable reason. Each Sylladex worked on something called a modus, which determined which objects could be released from their cards and how. His personal modus was what he called a Deck Modus, which was based on traditional trading card games; Susie's modus was… a lot more complicated.

"So what DO you think the game is for?" asked Calvin. "I mean, there has to be _some_ kind of purpose; if it was just manipulating objects at a distance, that wouldn't have been marketed as a _game_. There has to be an objective to all of this."

"Yeah," said Hobbes, "but I can't imagine what it could possibly-"

And then the far wall of Calvin's room exploded outwards.

That was the best way Calvin could think of to describe it, though it seemed completely inadequate. It wasn't like the wall _moved_ ; it was more like one second the dimensions of the room were one way, and then the next second they were another. A whole new section of the room had just appeared out of nowhere.

Calvin leapt back onto Steam.

* * *

 **Now messaging unfulfilledAssertion [UA]**

CU: okay what was THAT?!

UA: That would apparently be the "building" aspect of the game.

UA: Apparently I have some sort of consumable resource called "Grist" which can be expended to create things.

UA: Building that expansion to your room uses up something called Build Grist, which I start with a set amount of.

CU: well can you fix it please?

CU: my parents are definitely going to notice that!

UA: Erm...no, I don't think I can.

UA: The interface on this game is super clunky.

CU: well great

CU: what do I tell them?!

UA: Tell them that you accidentally downloaded a game with the power to mess with reality.

UA: It's not like the game will just _stop_ messing with reality when you show them. That wouldn't make sense.

UA: Okay, hold on one sec; I'm gonna use this new floor space to try and deploy this thing.

CU: What thing?

* * *

At that moment, Calvin got a very practical answer to that question.

Without warning, a huge machine materialized out of nowhere. Its base was shaped roughly like a square, about ten feet to a side; it barely fit into the newly created alcove. Sitting upon this base was a rough dome-like structure, with a long tube extending out of the top; the tube seemed to be sealed with a thick metal cap.

* * *

 **Now messaging unfulfilledAssertion [UA]**

CU: okay so...whats this thing?

UA: A Cruxtruder.

UA: Or that's what it says in the user interface.

CU: okay but what does it do

UA: I'm not quite sure yet.

UA: From the forum posts I've read, it looks like it's meant to be used as part of the construction.

CU: how on earth are you supposed to build something out of that

UA: I don't know.

UA: But…listen, right now we have bigger issues.

CU: what do you mean

UA: While I was checking the news sites for stuff on Sburb, I found another bunch of articles.

CU: about what

UA: For the last hour or so, across the entire planet…

UA: Meteors have begun appearing out of nowhere.

* * *

 **A/N: Holy crap, an update? What are the odds?  
**

 **In all seriousness, I'm sorry we haven't been getting content out in a long time. I blame the sheer number of classes I'm taking this year, as well as the number of stories we have on the table at the same time right now. Hopefully we'll be able to get into more regular content soon. (I know for a fact that a certain other story on my profile will be updating very soon...)**

 **Also, we now have a cover! The awesome little image up there was designed by me and actually drawn by Meer-Katnip, seeing as I have absolutely no artistic ability whatsoever. Hopefully you enjoy it, and this chapter! Until next time, see you round!**


	4. Calvin: Enter

[S] Calvin: Enter

 **A/N: Well, at least the two of us release content faster than the** _ **Hiveswap**_ **development team.**

"Well, looks like Susie wasn't messing with us," said Calvin, scrolling through the online news feed. "There really is some kind of meteor shower happening all over the planet. Apparently it's caused a lot of damage already, and the meteors only seem to be getting bigger. And what's _worse_ , the strikes seem to be actively targeting population centers."

Hobbes looked at the screen over Calvin's shoulder. "So...what do we do?" he asked. "Do we head underground? Try to wait it out? Ditch the planet altogether? I think the wagon's still in the garage; we could try moving to Mars again."

"Simple," said Calvin. "We keep playing the game."

Hobbes blinked. "And that will help keep us alive...how?"

"Think about it, Hobbes," said Calvin, turning his chair to look at Hobbes. "Isn't it a _little_ odd that this anomalous meteor shower just happens to occur on the same day a reality-warping video game is released on Steam? Call me crazy, but I have a nasty suspicion that these two events are connected somehow."

"What, you mean the game somehow triggered the meteor shower?" asked Hobbes.

"That seems to be the most likely explanation," said Calvin. "That or someone knew the meteor shower was coming and released the game in order to stop it. At this point there's really not much we can do anyway, so we might as well keep going; after all, it's pretty much the only option we have."

Hobbes sighed. "Alright then," he said. "I feel like we should be doing something more productive, but at the same time I have no earthly idea what that could be. So playing the game it is, I guess."

Calvin grinned. "Sweet."

"Just remember, we've always got Mars as a second option." Hobbes watched as Calvin closed off the news feed and and switched back to Steam. "What now?"

"Well, doesn't seem like I can make much progress without Susie," said Calvin, switching back over to the messaging program. "I'll update her on the situation."

* * *

 **Now messaging unfulfilledAssertion [UA]**

CU: alright

CU: let's keep playing

UA: Seriously?

CU: seriously

UA: You don't think we should, I don't know...do something about the meteors?

CU: hobbes and i were just talking about that

CU: we figure it's part of the game, or at least connected

CU: at this point the best bet is to keep playing

UA: I see a number of problems with that reasoning, but I also know that you are virtually impossible to dissuade from anything.

UA: Fine. We keep playing.

UA: I'll see what other machines can be deployed for free. You see what the Cruxtruder does.

CU: gotcha!

* * *

"Alright, Susie said to check out this Cruxtruder thing," relayed Calvin, standing up from the computer.

"Already on it," said Hobbes, who was now frowning at the large device. Now that Calvin got a good look at it, the machine's purpose was not in any way elucidated. It consisted mainly of a large square base with a long, narrow cylinder perched on top of it. A closer look revealed that each side was adorned with a long, narrow LCD screen; at the moment nothing was displayed, suggesting that the device lacked power.

"Any ideas?" asked Calvin.

Hobbes was now standing on top of the base, examining the lid. "It looks like the top of this thing is supposed to come off," he said, "but I can't figure out how to open it." He pushed at the lid with all his might, but apparently got no reward for this action; the lid to the cylinder didn't budge.

"Here, lift me up there," said Calvin. Hobbes did so, picking up Calvin and placing him down on top of the cylinder. From this perspective, Calvin could see that there was indeed a seam running along the top of the cylinder, implying the top part to be detachable. He also noticed that there was a symbol painted on the top of this lid; it was the same one which formed the logo for the game, an elaborate yellow spirograph. He tried stomping on the lid, in hopes of possibly dislodging the object, but to no avail.

"I think we're gonna need a new strategy," he said as Hobbes lowered him down. "I definitely think getting the lid off is the way to go, but I'm not sure quite how to do that."

"Maybe we need a crowbar or something," suggested Hobbes.

"Maybe," agreed Calvin. "I'm gonna check to see if Susie has found anything."

* * *

 **Now messaging unfulfilledAssertion [UA]**

CU: found anything about the cruxtruder thing?

UA: Sorry, not yet.

UA: I've been too busy trying to find places to deploy these other machines.

UA: And also figure out how to use this interface.

UA: Oh crap!

CU: what?

UA: Nothing!  
UA: Hey, completely unrelated side note: you didn't plan on using the upstairs bathroom at any point today, right?

UA: Specifically the bathtub?

CU: SUSIE WHAT DID YOU DO

UA: It's not my fault! This interface barely works at all! I'm trying to navigate a 3D environment with a mouse that only moves on a 2D plane!

UA: It's like you need some kind of crazy peripheral just to play this thing!

CU: okay fine

CU: but my parents are gonna be pissed

UA: Where are your parents anyway?

CU: at the store

CU: they probably have no idea what's going on

* * *

 **Meanwhile, at the store...**

"Spam's been proven to be to best item of food to take on camping trips," Calvin's dad said. "It's _essential_ for any successful family vacation."

Mom sighed. "I can think of quite a few things that would make our vacations successful, and none of them are processed meat products."

"It contains antioxidants, lasts longer than anything else we could pack-"

"So just put some in the shopping cart," Mom said, already checking her food list. The shopping centre was unusually empty for the time of day, and there was no actual rush except the fact that they had left Calvin at home alone- not a good idea at the best of times, but he had refused, point-blank, to come to the store with them. "If it makes you happy-"

"But the prices!" Dad jabbed his finger at the label beneath the rows of cans, looking positively furious. "The price of Spam has gone up by almost 45% in the last couple of months. As a consumer, I'm _furious._ How do they expect to keep my business if they're going to keep pulling stunts like _this?_ "

Mom rolled her eyes. It was really obvious at points like this that Calvin was her husband's son. "Just buy the Spam, dear. I'm going to find some lettuce. You can meet me at the cash register when you're done arguing with the merchandise."

Dad continued to grumble lightly under his breath as Mom moved away with the shopping trolley. She picked up a few boxes of cereal on the way to the fresh produce section, glancing out of the window as she did.

It was a beautiful afternoon outside, with a blue sky scattered with only a couple of clouds that seemed to stretch into infinity. Mom took a moment to appreciate this, and it was during this moment of appreciation that she saw the meteors.

She initially mistook them for birds, or planes, or some other speck in the sky; however, she quickly realized they were moving too fast for that, and were far too bright and numerous. She then looked down and saw the panic on the streets, the people running around in fear, toppling shopping carts and generally doing all the things frightened citizens do in stereotypical disaster movies. It didn't take long for Mom to put two and two together and arrive at a very unpleasant four.

"Dear," she said, "you're going to want to take a look at this."

Dad looked up from his extended soliloquy on the subject of spam prices and walked over to the window. He looked up at the meteor shower, then at the general panic on the streets; his shoulders slowly sagged, all thoughts of grocery store products clearly abandoning him.

"Oh," he said quietly. "Well then, that's...certainly new."

"Yeah," said Mom. "Looks like he was right."

"It looks that way," admitted Dad. "I guess that means it's finally time for us to get started."

"Do you really think Calvin's ready?" Mom asked, a hint of worry in her voice. "I mean, I didn't expect something like this to happen for another few years at least; he hasn't even taken any self-defense classes yet!"

"We can't worry about that now," said Dad, his mind already moving as it so often did to the immediate future. "We just have to hope that the preparation we've already given him will suffice. For now, we have to get back to the house; if the meteors are coming down, that probably means he's already started the game."

"Alright then," said Mom, turning towards the sliding door. "Let's go; after all, we've been training too."

With that, Mom and Dad sprinted off back toward their car. They left the half-full shopping cart in the aisle where it was- after all, they weren't going to need it where they were going.

* * *

 **Minutes in the future (but not many)...**

"Alright then," groaned Calvin as he and Hobbes struggled to hoist the large object which they had found in the closet. "Attempt number 37. If this doesn't knock that lid off, I'm pretty sure nothing will."

"Good lord, this thing is huge!" exclaimed Hobbes, straining to lift the item. "You could kill someone if you dropped it! Where did you even get a giant marble bust of Chris Evans anyway?!"

"Don't know, don't care," said Calvin. "All I know is that it might be heavy enough to do the job. Now come on, help me get this in position."

It had now been nearly half an hour since the mysterious machine had been deployed in Calvin's room. By now he and Hobbes had managed to establish that the lid of the device operated on some kind of impact-release latch; hitting the lid with enough force would cause it to detach. However, they had so far had no luck with producing sufficient force; Calvin had emptied his Sylladex searching for items, but had turned up nothing. At one point Susie had suggested that one of the other free machines could be used to activate it, and had deployed them throughout the house; however, neither the 'Totem Lathe' nor the 'Alchemiter' had been able to help. Finally, Hobbes had suggested they search Calvin's seemingly endless closet for something to help; sure enough, a few minutes' worth of examination had turned up what the three hoped would be a sufficiently heavy object.

"Alright then," said Calvin; he and Hobbes had clambered on top of the bed, which had been repositioned near the Cruxtruder for just this purpose. "On three, we throw the bust onto the lid. One-"

"Okay, just to be clear," interrupted Hobbes, "is it _on_ three, or is this one-two-three-go, which is basically like going on four?"

" _On_ three," snapped Calvin. "If I wanted to do one-two-three-go, I would have said so. Alright, get ready. One...two... _three, now_!"

With a mighty heave, the boy and tiger hurled the sculpture of the popular actor through the air. The sculpture soared on for a few moments as if weightless, before gravity suddenly came back from its lunch break and it promptly dropped like a brick. The bust collided with the lid with a resounding slam; there was a loud pop, and the lid was propelled off the cylinder by the force of the air trapped inside, the bust itself being sent flying once again and smashing into pieces on the floor. A cylinder of strange golden material vaguely resembling plastic was now poking out of the top of the cylinder.

"YES!" exclaimed Calvin in triumph.

"Wait, what's happening?" asked Hobbes in surprise.

Hobbes' attention had been caught by a strange ball of light hovering over the Cruxtruder, apparently having emerged from the cylinder when the lid was dislodged. The golden sphere now hovered, undulating, in the middle of the room, symbols resembling the _Sburb_ logo occasionally appearing within it. The two waited for a few seconds, wondering if something was going to happen, but there was no sign of any change from the ball of light.

"Well, it's not our problem at the moment," said Calvin, turning back towards the laptop. "I've got to let Susie know about the new development."

* * *

 **Now messaging unfulfilledAssertion [UA]**

CU: finally got the lid off!

UA: Awesome! It only took us half an hour to complete the game's first objective!

CU: well it MIGHT have gone faster if you were better at using the cursor thing!

UA: Hey, it's not my fault! This interface SUCKS! I can barely move anything properly!

UA: Plus I have to keep pausing to check the news feed for updates about the meteor storm, or to try and give advice to my _other_ friends!

CU: well whatever

CU: what do we do now?

UA: Alright, a couple of things should have come out of the Cruxtruder.

UA: There should be a glowing ball of light and a cylinder of some kind of plasticy stuff.

CU: i see both of those things right now

UA: Alright, one second; I'm going to give you another object. Check the bed.

* * *

Calvin turned and looked at the bed. Sure enough, a small object appeared on top of it. This one appeared to be a Sylladex card, except with holes punched through it. Calvin walked over to the bed and examined the card; aside from the rectangular holes, it didn't seem particularly unusual.

"Uh, Calvin?" called Hobbes. "You're going to want to take a look at this."

Calvin looked over. Hobbes was pointing to the small screens on the side of the Alchemiter, which were no longer inactive. They now displayed a countdown, indicating that there were about seven minutes left until...something happened. And in Calvin's experience, ominous countdowns to an uncertain conclusion were _never_ a good sign.

"Any sign of what it's for?" asked Calvin.

"Not on here," said Hobbes, examining the far side of the device. "But if it displays it four times, it must be significant."

"Hang on, I'll ask Susie," said Calvin; he quickly jumped back on the computer.

* * *

 **Now messaging unfulfilledAssertion [UA]**

UA: Alright, so now you're going to want to take that card down to the Totem Lathe; I put that down in the kitchen.

CU: okay but before that

CU: any news about the timer?

UA: Timer?

CU: yeah there's a timer on the side of the cruxtruder

CU: it started up when we got the lid off

UA: That's probably not a good sign.

UA: Let me just search this.

UA: Hmm...

UA: Ooooh crap.

CU: what?

UA: Okay, so don't freak out.

CU: alright that's an immediately worrying statement

CU: maybe don't lead with that

UA: So...you may want to look out your window.

CU: ?

* * *

Calvin stood up and jogged over to the window. "Hey Hobbes, I need a boost!" he called.

Hobbes, apparently deciding there was no further information to be gleaned from the machine, obliged; joining Calvin at the window, he lifted the tiny six-year-old onto his shoulders so as to better see out the window. Calvin squinted outside, not quite sure what he was looking for. In retrospect, he probably should have asked Susie for more details. Still, it wasn't long before his eyes landed on it. His eyes went wide with alarm.

"Uh...are you seeing that?" he asked, pointing into the sky.

Hobbes nodded somberly, which caused Calvin's entire body to bob up and down briefly. "I can't help but feel that's not a coincidence," he said quietly.

In the sky far above, a small point of light burned like a daytime star. It was unmistakably one of the meteors which had apparently been summoned by- or perhaps just concurrently to- the release of _Sburb_. But unlike the other meteors, most of which seemed to be aimed at the downtown area and were clearly visible as comet-like streaks in the sky, this particular meteor was visible head-on. Which meant it was heading directly for Calvin's house.

"Alright, this situation's officially gone from a nine to a ten on the worrying scale," said Calvin, clambering down from Hobbes' shoulders and sprinting over to the computer. "Let's just hope Susie found reliable sources on this stuff."

* * *

 **Now messaging unfulfilledAssertion [UA]**

CU: what

CU: THE HELL

UA: Yeah, that's kind of an immediate issue.

CU: YOU THINK?!

UA: Based on what I'm seeing, that countdown timer indicates how long until the meteor hits.

UA: You need to use the game machines to create a certain object in order to escape.

CU: alright where do i go then?!

UA: Down to the kitchen.

UA: That's where I deployed the Totem Lathe.

CU: i'd better be able to figure out what that is when i get down there!

UA: Bring the card and that cylinder thing with you!

CU: got it

* * *

"Come on, Hobbes!" shouted Calvin, jumping down from his chair, grabbing his laptop as he did so. "Grab the cylinder thing! I've got the card!" As he spoke, he scooped up the Sylladex card from the bed.

"What should I do with this thing?" asked Hobbes; he was indicating the strange sphere of light, which was now buzzing insistently around the room.

"If it's important, it'll follow us," said Calvin. "Otherwise, our priority is 'don't die'. Now come on!"

The two charged out of Calvin's room, made a left turn, and sprinted for the stairs. They quickly made their way to the kitchen, where, true to her word, Susie had deployed another strange machine. This one was tall and wide but largely flat, shaped a little like an "L". Calvin quickly sat his laptop down on the floor and began typing.

* * *

 **Now messaging unfulfilledAssertion [UA]**

CU: alright we're here

CU: now what?

UA: You're going to want to load the Cruxite Dowel into the Totem Lathe.

CU: NOT ALL OF US KNOW WHAT THOSE WORDS MEAN

UA: Put the cylinder in the machine! Jeez!

CU: how?!

UA: There should be a needle to hold it in place!

CU: I DON'T SEE ANYTHING LIKE

CU: oh wait there it is

UA: Right. Then once you do that, put the punched card in that slot on the left and pull the lever.

CU: okay one sec

* * *

"Alright, this should only take a sec," said Calvin, lifting the cylinder into place. "How are we doing on time, Hobbes?"

"About four-and-a-half minutes left," said Hobbes, checking the clock.

"Should hopefully be enough time," said Calvin, carefully lining up the Cruxite Dowel, as it was apparently known, with the machinery.

"Also, that ball of light is still here," remarked Hobbes as said ball of light zipped around the kitchen.

"I'm aware of that," said Calvin, now slipping the punched card into the slot. "Alright, that should be good! And...go!"

He pulled on the lever, and the machine instantly whirred to life. Instantly tiny needles were descending on the cylinder, slowly whittling it down into a more unique shape. When the task was done a few seconds later, the cylinder resembled a kind of vase, wider at the upper middle and the very bottom than in other areas. The needle released, allowing Calvin to scoop up the newly carved object.

* * *

 **Now messaging unfulfilledAssertion [UA]**

CU: got it now what?

UA: I deployed the Alchemiter in the backyard! Go!

CU: on it!

* * *

"Come on, Hobbes!" exclaimed Calvin, clutching the newly carved object. "Let's move! The last stop's in the backyard!"

"On it!" Hobbes called back. "Let's go, Mysterious Orb of Light!"

The two- or perhaps three, if the ball of light counted- quickly made their way to the backyard, where the third and final machine on their mission waited. Its base was similar to the Cruxtruder, but this one had a wide cylindrical platform perched atop the square base. There was also a small raised pedestal and some sort of unidentifiable pillar off to one side. Calvin quickly pulled out his laptop, this time not even bothering to sit down.

* * *

 **Now messaging unfulfilledAssertion [UA]**

CU: what now?

UA: There should be a small raised platform on the machine!

UA: Put the thing you got from the Totem Lathe on it.

UA: I'll handle the rest!

CU: okay, one sec

* * *

"Alright Hobbes, boost time again!" said Calvin, placing the laptop on the ground. "We've gotta get this vase thing on that pedestal!"

"I can do it faster!" exclaimed Hobbes. Grabbing the vase from Calvin, he crouched down and made an appropriately catlike leap up to the pedestal. He dropped the vase down on top of the platform, then dropped back down onto the ground. He couldn't help but give Calvin a brief look of smug superiority upon completing these actions.

Calvin rolled his eyes. "Show-off," he muttered.

As he spoke, the machine whirred into life. A series of small lasers unfolded from the tower and began to scan the vase-like object. Once it was apparently finished with this, the machine began to hum loudly, as if processing the data. With a flash of light, an object materialized on the platform; it appeared to be some kind of large doll, about as tall as Calvin himself, lying limply on the flat surface.

"I've got it!" called Calvin, climbing up onto the platform. "How much time do we have left?"

Hobbes checked the clock on the computer. "A little less than three minutes!" he called.

Calvin picked up the strange object. It appeared to be made out of the same golden plastic-like material as the vase. It was indeed a large doll, with a vaguely feline appearance to it; looking closely, Calvin realized that it bore a striking resemblance to the way adults described Hobbes. He picked up the object, examining it for any sort of switch or button, but he could find nothing of the sort; the whole thing was the same smooth, unbroken material.

"Uh, Calvin?" called Hobbes. "That UG guy is messaging you again. He's...being pretty persistent about it this time."

"He can hold his goddamn horses," snapped Calvin, jumping back down to the ground to seat himself in front of the computer. "I'm gonna ask Susie about this."

* * *

 **Now messaging unfulfilledAssertion [UA]**

CU: okay now what do I do with this

UA: I...have no idea.

CU: ...

CU: what

UA: I'm sorry, these walkthroughs are so inconsistent!

UA: It looks like everyone gets their own personalized item; the action you have to do with it is similarly personalized.

CU: well can you give me a hint?!

UA: I'm looking, one second!

UA: Okay, I'm seeing a pattern.

UA: It looks like you have to...break the item in some way.

CU: ?

UA: Sorry, I can't phrase it any better.

UA: That's just what I'm inferring from all these different anecdotes I've found. Food items have to be bitten, glass-based objects have to be smashed, and so on.

UA: So...you need to do something like that to the doll.

CU: oh great

CU: yeah real helpful there

UA: Hey, knock it off! I'm trying my best with limited information here!

CU: alright fine one sec

* * *

"Hobbes, we have to-" began Calvin.

"I saw!" exclaimed Hobbes, who was already trying to yank the doll's head off. "But I can't even scratch this thing!" He tried to dig his claws into the neck in hopes of getting more leverage, but to no avail; the material refused to budge. "What are we looking at on time?"

Calvin looked down at the clock. "About two minutes!" he said. He glanced up into the sky. Sure enough, the light that was the meteor was now much larger, and growing larger still with each passing second.

As if sensing that Calvin's day wasn't yet quite as terrible as possible, Calvin's computer suddenly emitted a series of loud pinging noises. Calvin recognized it immediately as the Pesterchum message noise; apparently the troll, not content with waiting for Calvin to get out of imminent danger before answering, was now spamming his inbox. This, Calvin quickly realized, would be detrimental to his concentration; plus, there was always the off-chance the troll really _did_ have something important to say. His mind pondering the seemingly indestructible doll, he switched over to the still-open Pesterchum icon.

* * *

 **unleashedGenesis began pestering calvinUltima at 1:28**

UG: Calvin, li5ten to me!

UG: Whatever you do, don't do what 5u5ie 5ay5 ju5t yet!

UG: You need to prototype your Kernel5prite fir5t!

UG: Calvin, thi5 i5 a REALLY bad time to ignore me!

UG: Calvin?

UG: I hate to do thi5, but I gue55 I have to re5ort to 5pamming.

UG: Calvin?

UG: Calvin?

UG: Calvin?

UG: Calvin?

UG: Calvin?

UG: Calvin?

UG: Calvin?

UG: Calvin?

UG: Calvin?

CU: OH MY GO

UG: Oh good, you're here!

UG: Li5ten, you've got to throw 5omething into that ball of light.

CU: WHY

UG: It would take too long to explain.

UG: All you need to know i5 that if you don't do thi5, and FA5T, you'll render the game unwinnable!

CU: what?! how do you know that?!

UG: It'5 a long 5tory! Ju5t tru5t me!

CU: so what i just throw any old thing in?

UG: I mean, ideally it 5hould be 5omething either alive or at lea5t re5embling 5omething alive.

UG: You know, if you can.

CU: OH MY GOD YOU ARE THE WORST THING EVER

CU: OH SORRY, ""WOR5T""

UG: Yeah, 5ure, I'm the wor5t. Ju5t remember what I 5aid!

* * *

"How's it going, Hobbes?" asked Calvin, jumping to his feet.

"Not great!" exclaimed Hobbes. At the moment he was repeatedly slamming the doll's head against the Alchemiter platform, desperately trying to knock it off; this did not appear to have made so much as a dent in the hard plastic surface.

"Here, let me try!" exclaimed Calvin, running over to join Hobbes. "I'm technically the player; maybe only I can break it!"

"Sure," said Hobbes, tossing the doll to Calvin. "I'll go check in with Susie."

Calvin was about to agree, but something stopped him. The conversation with the troll kept playing over and over in his mind. On the one hand, he had no idea how the guy could possibly know anything about this game, or what throwing something into a ball of light could possibly do to influence his progression. But the way he had been so insistent, and seemed to know everything that was going on with Calvin at all times...if anyone might know what was really going on with _Sburb_ , it was probably him. Plus, he _had_ apparently known about the game at least a year in advance.

"Hold on," said Calvin. "While I do this, I need you to find something to throw into that ball of light! Something that's either alive or looks like it!"

"What?!" exclaimed Hobbes. "Why?!"

"Just do it!" exclaimed Calvin. "Grab an action figure from my room or something!"

"There's no time!" protested Hobbes. "We've got less than a minute left!"

Sure enough, the meteor was now very clearly bearing down on the house. In just a few short seconds, it would collide with the house and the countdown would end, along with Calvin and Hobbes' lives.

If Calvin had been less distracted, he might have heard the sound of tires squealing on the street outside the house. Said tires belonged to the battered old car driven by Calvin's parents; normally Dad was such a freak about obeying the speed limit that such a noise would never have been heard, but in this case he was making an exception. With a deftness one might not have expected of a suburban father, Dad executed a handbrake turn, causing the car to swerve messily into the driveway. He slammed on the brakes, bringing the car to an abrupt halt; he and his wife leapt out of the car, sprinting up to the front door.

"Do you think this is going to work?" Mom asked with concern.

"We have to hope he's got this," said Dad quietly, looking up at the incoming meteor.

Mom nodded. She took Dad's hand, and the two of them quietly stared up at the incoming ball of death.

In the backyard, the situation was nowhere near as reserved. Hobbes was desperately searching for anything vaguely sentient-seeming to throw into the ball of light, while Calvin was smashing the doll against anything he could possibly think of in hopes of damaging it. Unfortunately, neither one was having much luck on their respective missions; all the smashing did nothing to the doll, and nothing remotely useful could be found in the backyard.

"How long?!" exclaimed Calvin, panting from the heavy exertion of pummeling the plastic tiger.

"Can't be more than thirty seconds!" exclaimed Hobbes. "We've got to focus on the doll; forget the stupid light!"

"No, it's gotta have some kind of purpose!" protested Calvin. "We've just got to find something to throw in, something that looks like-"

And just like that, it hit him. It was a solution so blindingly obvious he was astounded it took him this long to think of it; it was the perfect way to solve both his problems at once. At least, he _hoped_ it would solve both their problems; it was also entirely possible it would just leave them stuck with no way to fix either. But seeing as he had no other solutions, he figured it couldn't make things any worse to try.

"Hobbes, new plan!" he exclaimed. "I'm gonna run at the ball; give me a boost!"

"I really hope this works!" shouted Hobbes, quickly lining himself up. "We've got about 15 seconds!"

"Got it!" exclaimed Calvin, beginning to run straight for the ball of light. As he ran, he quickly leapt onto the paws of the crouched Hobbes. With a mighty heave, the tiger flung Calvin and the doll into the air. Pulling his arm back, Calvin hurled with all his might, hoping against hope he didn't miss. As he crashed to the ground, he saw that his aim had indeed been close enough; the tiger doll sailed through the air, its arc taking it directly into the core of the ball of light.

With a flash of light, the ball changed. Instead of the _Sburb_ logo now bore a new image: a silhouette which looked strikingly similar to Hobbes's face. Its zipping about now seemed less insistent, as if it had achieved what it had been looking for. Overhead, the meteor was mere seconds from colliding with the house; it looked like it was going to touch down directly in the backyard, as if targeting Calvin and Hobbes specifically.

And then...

Well, it's hard to say exactly what happened next. For just an instant, Calvin felt as if time froze. His mind seemed to stop for just a moment; it was as if the entire world had lagged for a split second, causing him to jump from one moment to another with no continuity in-between. Before he could process the feeling properly, a brilliant white light enveloped the entire house, yard and all. Calvin just had time to register the sight of the flaming ball of death bearing down on him before he, Hobbes, the Alchemiter, Mom, Dad, the car, and the entire house disappeared in a flash of light, dematerializing as simply and efficiently as a phone box in a certain British television show.

Precisely one second later, the area where the house had previously been was obliterated by a meteor impact.

You know how it is.

 **END OF ACT 1**


End file.
